Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
