doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
