In America we eat man semen.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
