Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
