Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
