Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
