He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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