What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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