I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
