and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
