Umm I'm too high to move.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
