Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
