She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
