i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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