so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
