Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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