i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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