Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
