I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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