Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
