I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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