11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
