he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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