I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
