I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
