don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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