I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
