I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
