I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
