tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
