She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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