...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
