Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
