I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
