I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
