I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We have started to decorate penises.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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