the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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