Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
