I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
