so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
