We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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