yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize