Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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