now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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