god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
