i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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