Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
you had me at cake vodka
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
