i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
