It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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