so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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