you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm like, not good at living.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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