I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
