My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
don't judge my taste in strippers
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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