Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
