I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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