i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize