If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
