i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He passed out mid-signature
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
