I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
