I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the day after is always just damage control
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
