Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
did i just pee glitter
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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