Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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