5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize