you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
