you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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